


Paper Hearts

by fangirlingtodeath513



Series: Season 15 Codas [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Episode: s15e03 Coda, Episode: s15e03 The Rupture, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Grieving Dean Winchester, Grieving Sam Winchester, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-06 05:10:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21221108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirlingtodeath513/pseuds/fangirlingtodeath513
Summary: Sam grieves Rowena's death and Dean grieves the loss of Castiel.





	Paper Hearts

**Author's Note:**

> Coda number three in the books :D

“Would you have done it? If you were in my place and it was Cas that had to sacrifice himself, would you have killed him?” Sam’s voice barely cutting through the air as he says it. Dean almost doesn’t hear it, but his stupid heart clenches in his chest and he knows the answer immediately. No sense in lying now, not after everything that's happened.

“No,” he answers without hesitation, clearing his throat when his voice cracks. “No,” he repeats a little more forcefully, shaking his head. “I wouldn’t be able to.”

“Then don’t you _dare_ stand there and go on about how we won. This isn’t a win, this is so far from a win, Dean.” Sam puts his head in his hands for a moment before running his fingers through his hair. “Once again, Chuck’s stupid prophecy comes true. We were—it wasn’t supposed to happen like that. I was never going to kill her,” he mutters, gripping his hair loosely in his hands.

Dean thinks about leaving, but this is his little brother, he can’t leave Sam alone like this. He crosses the room in two steps, sitting next to Sam on the bed and pulling him into a tight hug. Sam resists but only for a moment before he grabs at Dean’s shirt and breaks down. He soaks Dean’s shoulder with tears and Dean’s breathing in more hair than oxygen, but it doesn’t matter. Sam just had to watch the woman he loves die, he can deal with a little discomfort if it means his brother gets to grieve properly.

“I’m sorry. You’re right, it’s not a win at all. Never seems to be, with us. We always manage to avert the crisis, but usually by sacrificing someone we love. Our ourselves.”

Sam nods once, sucking in a deep, shaky breath. He clutches Dean for another couple of minutes before he pulls away and dries his face off on the arm of his flannel, eyes downcast. “Thanks. That helped a little, actually.”

Dean’s mouth quirks in a smile as he squeezes Sam’s shoulder. “Let me know if you need anything, I’ll be in the library.”

X

Sam finds him in the gym three hours later when he goes in search of food. Everything’s destroyed—there are dents in the walls from where the weights had been bashed into the concrete, the punching bag is hanging limply on one of the two chains it normally hangs on, benches are overturned and mats are strewn haphazardly around the room. Dean’s sitting in the middle of all the chaos, head in his hands and shoulders shaking with silent sobs. Sam frowns, hesitating in the doorway. There’s no way Dean’s this upset about Rowena, he hadn’t even really liked her. He tended to only tolerate her because she was helpful to have around. Maybe this is Dean finally reacting to what Chuck’s done, it would make sense. None of them have really had the opportunity to digest what’s going on now, with God entirely against them and hell-bent on ending the world and resetting his story.

After several minutes lingering in the doorway, Sam decides to brave whatever Dean’s about to throw at him and take a few steps into the room. Dean doesn’t look up, not even when Sam comes to a stop in front of him. 

“Dean?” Sam says softly, crouching down with a frown. “You okay? What happened?”

Dean swipes under his eyes angrily, running a hand through his hair. “Cas left. I was gonna come down here and work out some anger, but…” he waves a hand around the room, sniffing quietly. “Guess you see how well that worked.”

Sam’s brows furrow and he takes a seat in front of Dean. “What do you mean Cas left?”

“He left. Said Jack was gone and you an’ I had each other, so maybe it was time for him to move on.” Dean’s voice is bitter as he says it and his eyes stay locked on a patch of floor in front of him. Sam can’t tell if he embarrassed or still angry, or maybe both. Regardless, Dean had let him grieve before, and while Cas may not be dead, it’s still a loss.

“That’s what he said? There had to have been more of a reason than that.”

Dean stays silent this time, jaw twitching as he does his best to avoid Sam’s question. Right, so that’s a question for another time, then. Sam clears his throat, pushing himself to his feet. “I was getting kind of hungry, you want to go grab a bite to eat? Get some burgers or something? I’m craving some greasy diner food.”

Dean raises an eyebrow at him. His eyes are bloodshot and red-rimmed. He’s obviously been crying for a while, which hurts Sam to the core. He’s never actually seen Dean this upset before, not even after Charlie, not even after _ Mary_. “You want greasy food? Who are you and what have you done with my brother?”

Sam snorts. “It’s the end of the world, Dean. Might as well give up the healthy food and live a little before God smites us all.”

Dean gazes curiously at him for a moment before nodding once. “Yeah, diner food sounds good right about now. I’m gonna go change and stuff, I’ll meet you at the car.”

Dean doesn’t spare him a second glance as he rises to his feet and disappears down the hallway. Sam sighs, pulling out his phone as he heads for the garage.

_ Cas, you know you’re welcome here, right? Jack or no Jack, you’re family. Dean’s a wreck, just let me know you’re okay? _

He doesn’t expect an answer as he unlocks the Impala and slides into the passenger’s seat but almost as soon as he touches the leather, his phone chimes. 

_ I’m okay, Sam. I think it’s best if I stay away. Call me if you need anything, though I don’t know how much longer I’ll be useful. My powers are fading. _

Sam frowns and begins to type out an answer as Dean appears in the garage. Apparently, Dean and Cas aren’t in the best spot right now, so Sam tucks his phone away and smiles at his brother as he gets in the car. “Greasy diner food?”

“Greasy diner food,” Dean confirms, tapping the button that opens the garage door and pulling the Impala onto the road.

**Author's Note:**

> Find **this fic** on [Tumblr](https://fangirlingtodeath513.tumblr.com/post/188668015454/paper-hearts-a-15x03-coda-would-you-have-done) and [Pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.social/posts/892966)  
  
Find **me** on [Tumblr](https://fangirlingtodeath513.tumblr.com/) and [Pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.io/fangirlingtodeath513)  
  
**Please don’t post my works anywhere without my permission.**


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